So far, you’ve probably recognized most of the subjects of my momterviews. Whether they’re TV personalities, musicians or athletes, they’ve been well-known across the country.
I’ve decided to shake things up a bit, and start incorporating interviews with some parents who may not be as famous (no offense, Kate!) but who are equally – or even more – inspiring.
Today I’m profiling Peterborough, Ontario’s Kate Wells, who describes herself on Twitter as “wife-mom-music lover – giggler – autism advocate – sleep chaser”.
Full disclosure: Kate and I scooped ice cream together back in the 90s, but have been out of touch until we found each other on social media just a couple of years ago. I love her honest tweets about having a son with special needs (autism), and was thrilled when she agreed to share her family’s experience here on This Mom Loves.
husband Jason and I have two amazing kids. Aidan just turned 13,
and Emma is 10.5 (that half is very important!)
having a special-needs child on a marriage, and how do you keep your relationship
with your husband strong?
tough! When you get married,
you don’t usually know how your spouse will handle challenges. Having different
styles of handling severe, daily stress, can make or break even the strongest
relationship. It took us several years
to figure it out.
how the other copes and respected that, we were able to come together and form
a very solid team. We are totally united. It’s not easy, but we
know when stress is at an ultimate high,we don’t take anything personally. After we have weathered the
biggest of storms, we always come back stronger. We’re the only ones who
truly know what our journey has been like; we stick together.
a regular luxury of ours for a long time, so every night,when everyone is
asleep, it’s our time to connect. Some nights we can’t
stop talking, some nights we sit in silence, side by side, melting our brains
online. But we’re together. And laughter has saved
us many times!
sacrifices – probably more than she knows. But she doesn’t look at
it that way. She is a nurturer. Her
thoughts are always on her brother’s care and best interests.
been “the elephant in the room”. It’s been an open
dialogue since she started asking questions about her brother when she was 4 years old. We’re honest with her
always. We allow her get
frustrated; to have feelings no matter what they are. But the connection they
have is powerful and eye opening. Her experience is
entirely different than ours. She has taught him so
much; and in turn, he has taught her even more. Their deep connection
makes my heart burst with pride.*Sniffs*
her to have her own interests, activities and space where she can be a
boisterous, giggly,energetic 10-year-old old girl without the worry of triggering her brother
into a meltdown.
most common misconceptions are about autism?
saying that sums it all up for me: “When you’ve met
one person with autism, you’ve met one person with autism”. Like everyone
else, no individuals are the same. We’re all unique. The spectrum is huge,
every individual’s needs vary!
couldn’t be further from the truth. My son feels everything in extremes, including empathy. He is very
concerned about the well being of others. I could go on for days
about many misconceptions, but I’ll spare you the ranting! Lol!
important things you want other parents of special-needs kids to know?
that’s available to you, even if you don’t think it will help. It’s important to cross
every “t” and to dot every “i”; if not for now, for down the
road to show “the powers that be” that you have legitimately tried
everything possible. You never know what
it’ll be that works.
previously. Also, keep those people
that are in your corner close. They are your cheerleaders; they’re your
team and you need them! If possible, cut away any negativity. That will just
distract and slow you down.
“why” for the behaviour, then adjust and accommodate. There’s no room for
ego; the child’s best interest always comes first. If what the teacher is doing
isn’t working, they must look deeper and be willing to say, “That didn’t
work, so let’s look at why and try xyz”. Ask for help, ask for
advice. Communication is key.
you feel that has helped you?
of getting some awareness out in our community after a very negative experience
while out in the public with our son, and it just sort of grew
from there. People wanted to know
more! Then I began connecting
to so many amazing autism families around the world who have become not only a
great support, but also great friends.
to a family which includes a child with special needs?
have been able to help us with our son (i.e., babysitting etc), but the emotional
support is a huge piece. Be understanding,don’t
minimize their struggles,be a good listener, help with any other child in the
house. Just let them know you’re there. The smallest of
gestures are the biggest. A hug or a text on a
difficult day can mean the world.
cream! Seriously, it’s a big